Have you ever thought to think about what happens after there is a blow-up or abusive behaviour at work?
What happens to the supervisor that engaged in those behaviours?
Many articles focus on the victim, and rightly so. But, what about the supervisor? What happens the next day at the office?
Many of my clients come to me, sad, angry or unsure of how to act or what will happen after they have experienced abuse.
They wonder if this is an isolated situation, or if it will continue to the point that it impacts their mental health.
Understanding what happens in an abusive work environment is critical.
After all, the average person spends one-third of their life at work. If we want to look at hours, this is around 90,000 over a lifetime, according to MVOrganizing.
If employees remain in a work environment where they experience abuse, this can decrease self-esteem, company morale and increase destructive behaviours (Vogel & Mitchell, 2015).
Understanding the why behind our behaviours can increase productivity and resilience.
1. Restoring the moral compass
While working with individuals and families for more than 10 years, I have noticed a pattern of behaviour after abuse.
After an incident, there is often a bid to reconcile. This can be a simple apology, excuse or blame.
According to psychologist Lenore Walker, there is a pattern after an abusive incident, called reconciliation. This often brings hope to victims, encouraging the victim to remain in the same cycle.
For example, I once had a client who was in an abusive work environment. He reported a lack of communication from his supervisor, constant change without notices or discussion, delayed pay and not being compensated for many hours of work.
Whenever he brought it up, there was often an apology, an excuse of being busy and niceness for the next few days. This client had been in the same work environment for seven years.
Supervisors may try to restore their moral compass by making amends. The conflict between what happened and the character of a person can be quite uncomfortable. So, this desire to align morals is quite common.
If you feel you are stuck in a cycle of abuse, reach out for support. There are resources at work, such as Employee Family Assistance or community organizations, which can support both the victim and the perpetrator.
By choosing to talk about the issue, a mental-health professional can train, help identify triggers and patterns of behaviour, as well as alternative ways to cope.
This can increase resiliency, company morale and mitigate future harm.
2. I’m not a threat
In the next few days after an abusive incident, praise and compliments are likely to follow.
“You look really great today!”
“We are so glad to have you on our team.”
“Let me do this for you, I know you work really hard.”
This can be quite harmful to the victim as it may make them feel as if they had overreacted, made things up and can be left quite confused.
This tendency to brag, according to research, may be linked to restoring image rather than to genuinely repair any harm.
Highlighting accomplishments (self or other) is a way to appear less threatening.
Quite frankly, clients report that they sense the false intentions. This can impact the team morale, productivity and motivation.
What supervisors do and say matters.
If there was an incident, don’t ignore it.
Organizations should consider sending supervisors for ethics training. Also, businesses should consider hiring supervisors that have an authentic leadership style rather than wanting to make a good impression (McClean et al., 2020).
When the next blow-up or incident happens, ask yourself, “What can I take responsibility for?” “Why did I behave this way? Is there a pattern to my behaviour? What do others say about me?”
Taking time to self-reflect, logging and talking to a mentor or mental-health professional can help identify unconscious biases.
By choosing mindfulness, supervisors can practice self-regulation and address emotions in a healthy way.
How can STRiVE Mental Health, Wellness & Empowerment help?
The well-being of your employees is paramount to us.
STRiVE equips organizations with strategies by providing tools to help employees recover from burnout and boost productivity. The goal is to provide top-quality evidence-based program development and workshops, both in person and virtually, while building long-term resilient employees.
We want to help your organization – make a referral here or contact us at info@strivementalhealth.ca learn more.
Works Cited
McClean, S. T., Courtright, S. H., Yim, J. & Smith, T. A., 2020. Making nice or faking nice? Exploring supervisors’ two‐faced response to their past abusive behavior. Personnel Psychology.
Vogel, R. M. & Mitchell, M. S., 2015. The motivational effects of diminished self-esteem for employees who experience abusive supervision. Journal of Management. Volume retrieved from: http://jom.sagepub.com/content/early/2015/01/12/0149206314566462.abstract.
